On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
