Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
