So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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