Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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