Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
