Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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