he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
