guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
