Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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