I will die if light touches me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
