If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
