He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
