Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
