Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
