my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
