Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
