If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
