Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
