Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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