Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
