I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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