hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
