He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
