whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
