i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
