Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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