jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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