Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
