if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just google imaged poop.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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