yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
