I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
