In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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