his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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