im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
