I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
