just come out here and I will go home with you...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
