wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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