she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
