so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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