Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We smell like vodka and hangover
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
