I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
