Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
