Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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