My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
