i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
