I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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