Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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