Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
