My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
