how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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